6 years and counting ..

It's been 6 years since you died. Six years of yearning and loneliness. Many years have passed, and I'm still grieving your loss.

I wonder what would happen if you were still alive today. Would you be proud of what I've become? Would you be happy and support me in my life choices?

I still remember the time I chose my lover over you, December 25th, 2016. It was Christmas Day, and I chose to spend this special day with someone who would later break my heart.

I still remember how you cried because I left you. I remember what you felt on that day, and I'm sorry. I still regret not spending the limited time we had together. I took you for granted, thinking you would always be there for me, but I was wrong.

I wasn't able to properly ask for your forgiveness, or should I say, I never asked for your forgiveness while you were alive. Now that you're gone, I feel foolish asking for something I know you won't be able to respond to.

I am so sorry, Mama. I'm sorry that I hurt you.

Please know that I will always long for your presence in my life. It's true, Mama, that when you lose your mother, there's an empty space that anybody else can never fill.